Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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