Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
