I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
