...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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