yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
