I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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