Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
