Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
