I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize