i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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