If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're too hungover to prance.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
