your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
