Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
