watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
