Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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