Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
