I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
