dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
