i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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