Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
