that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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