The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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