i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
