So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
