Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
