it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
