At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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