..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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