Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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