video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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