if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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