lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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