Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
