Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
