Cold hands, warm shart.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize