Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He passed out mid-signature
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
