Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
