Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
