She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have post one night stand depression
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