I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
