she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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