Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went

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(251): View more from Alabama

you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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(443): View more from Maryland

but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

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(760): View more from California

He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?

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(613): View more from Ontario

So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.

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(801): View more from Utah

So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.

(702): View more from Nevada

No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.

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