It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
