the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
