we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize