I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
