No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
