Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
