so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
