You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't put those talents on a resume
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
