I need help removing her.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
