I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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