Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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