we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize