Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
