Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
