i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
