When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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