He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
