and you said cock pushups were impossible
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
