Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
