she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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