I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize