? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
