his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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