dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
