all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
