I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
