I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
