I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
