dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
