We're facebook friends in real life
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Success! We fucked roommates!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
