Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
